Tag Archives: parent/teacher conferences

Positive Problem Solving by Alice Wellborn

This article from licensed school psychologist Alice Wellborn discusses how parents can focus on problem-solving and cooperation when there is an issue at school.  She shares her information on both her own facebook page No More Parents Left Behind and as part of the flylady.net distribution list.

Some of the suggestions might be difficult or require some pre-planning to implement in Kingston (most Kingston schools do not allow parents to eat lunch regularly with their students and be sure to fill out a volunteer application form far enough in advance to allow time for any necessary reference checks if you want to serve as a volunteer) but the principles are applicable in all schools.

Positive Problem Solving
By: Alice Wellborn
mom.jpgWhat are some steps you can take to be an effective, positive presence for your child in school? How can you focus on problem-solving and cooperation when there are issues at school?The first step is to be a “Partner in Learning” at your child’s school. Here are some ideas:

-Attend all open house events.  Meet and greet!  Know and be known!

-Join the PTA.  You don’t have to be an officer, but you need to meet other parents, support the school, and stay in the loop.

-Learn the names of all the school staff who work with your child, and make sure they know your name.

-Go to all parent/teacher conferences, on time and prepared with questions, concerns, and positive comments.

-Attend school programs, especially if your child is participating.  Support all the children in your community!

-Eat lunch at school with your elementary school-age child as often as you can.  Kids love this, and teachers appreciate it.

-Provide all the supplies, materials, and information the teacher needs to keep your child safe and comfortable at school.  This includes medications, school supplies, a change of clothes, and contact information.  Keep everything stocked and updated.

-Send a positive note to school at least two or three times a year, with a compliment or a thank you.  You might thank the teacher, and you might thank the bus driver or a lunch lady.  It takes a village…..

-Volunteer however you can.  No matter what your circumstances are, there is a volunteer opportunity for you – even if just once a year for field day or the school festival.  Volunteering is a comfortable, natural way to meet teachers and find out what’s going on with your child in school.

Remember – parents who have a positive voice in the school are much more likely to be listened to when they have a concern, and parents who are involved in the school community have more opportunities for good communication with teachers and administrators.

The second step is to focus on positive solutions to problems at school.  Remember – you are trying to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.  You are trying to show your child how to effectively problem-solve and get results.  Here are some big ideas about solving problems in school:

-Listening is a sign of respect.  You need to listen to teachers and administrators, and they need to listen to you.  Both viewpoints help your child be successful, so be open-minded – it’s a two-way street.

-Arguing, excusing, and blaming don’t help your child at all in the long run.  There is no place for anger or rudeness on either side.  In fact, there shouldn’t be any sides – everyone should be looking out for the child.

-Act like everyone at the school wants the best for your child and it’s more likely to happen. Most people try to live up to expectations (it’s embarrassing not to), and if you expect the best you just may get it.  Just remember that your idea of “best” and the school folks’ idea of “best” may not be the same.  If so, it’s time for everyone to listen and respect the other viewpoint.

-The teacher isn’t the only person at school who you can call to ask questions and get some help.  Guidance counselors, school social workers, school psychologists, and school nurses are there to support students and their families.

-Follow the chain of command if you have questions or concerns, but nobody at school will pay attention to you.  Teachers are in charge of their classroom, principals are in charge of their school, the superintendent of schools is in charge of the whole school system, and the school board is responsible for everyone and everything.  The school board is usually an elected body, and they answer to you as a citizen of your community.  Start at the classroom level and work your way up.  It’s always best to start with the person most involved with the problem (usually the teacher), but you can go as far up the chain of command as necessary to find solutions for your child.

The third step is to learn how to set-up effective, businesslike parent/teacher conferences that focus on actions and results rather than anger and frustration.  No one likes to be caught off-guard – that just gets everyone off on the wrong foot.  Here are the basic guidelines:

-The day and time for the appointment are set up ahead of time.  Confirm with a note if there’s enough time.

-Everyone should know in advance why you’re meeting and who will be there.

-Bring a family member or friend to the conference with you if you need support.

-Write down questions and concerns before the meeting if you can.  Take notes during the meeting.  It helps you remember, and it looks like you know what you’re doing.

-Focus on positive solutions.  You’re not meeting together to get mad, blame others, or make excuses.  You’re meeting to figure out a plan to help your child.

-Make a plan to follow-up on the ideas and decisions – know who is going to do what, what the time frame is, and when the group will get back together to check on progress.

Look at the first step, and pick one way in which you are going to be a Partner in Learning in your child’s school.  Pick something that’s easy, and looks like fun!  Commit to doing it before the end of January.

This article is excerpted from The Savvy Parent’s Guide to Public School. Click here to order.

The Savvy Parent’s Guide to Public School is an invaluable resource for parents of school-age children.  Alice Wellborn offers a practical guide to help parents navigate the frustrating world of public education.  Designed to empower parents to work effectively with teachers and school administrators, the book provides parents with the information and tools they need to become strong partners in their child’s school community.

Alice Wellborn, M.A. has been a licensed school psychologist for over 35 years (and the mother of three sons for almost 30 years!)  She received the NC School Psychology Association Presidential Award of Honor in 2002 for her advocacy on behalf of children.  Alice is the education specialist at FlyLady, and a bi-monthly columnist at her local newspaper on topics related to public school.  Her weekly blog is featured at both flylady.net and schoolsavvyparents.com. Alice’s Facebook page , No More Parents Left Behind, features questions and comments about education and parenting.  Alice believes that strong parent/teacher partnerships are a vital part of effective public education.


I have not read the book The Savvy Parent’s Guide to Public School that this article is taken from but based on another e-book that I own from Alice Wellborn, I expect that The Savvy Parent’s Guide will be equally valuable in providing “parents with the information and tools they need to become strong partners in their child’s school community.”